[suspicious snape voice] “you’re saying your friend named remus lupin definitely isn’t a werewolf”
[shocked, disappointed james potter voice] “remus lupin, a werewolf?? is it because he’s named after a guy raised by a wolf? is it because his surname literally means wolf? well. you’re wrong. his middle name is john, there’s no way he could be a werewolf.”
The flight attendant just announced “If you don’t like any of my jokes, there are six exits” and told us where the emergency exits are it was actually the best
"for those of you who are traveling with children… WHY"
"if you’re changing to a flight with a different airline, we don’t care."
he said “okay now get out” once we landed i’m pissing myself
Be the villain you were born to be. Stop waiting for someone to come along and corrupt you. Succumb to the darkness yourself.
This is surprisingly motivating.
“i like curvy girls” aka you like girls with flat stomachs and skinny legs but with huge boobs and a huge arse
god bless this post.
someone said it
but what if Ellen Degeneres and Neil Patrick Harris hosted an award show together
i had a dream where tornadoes were made illegal or something i just remember like a dozen police cars driving directly toward a tornado with their sirens on and all getting sucked into the tornado